He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i need some magic done to my vagina
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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