Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
