Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
