After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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