Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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