She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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