there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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