Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Your cock deserves a montage
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
