I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
