just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
