you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
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