What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
