I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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