so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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