At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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