Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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