I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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