There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
