I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
