So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
