Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
