Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
