Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
