I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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