You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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