When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
