dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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