drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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