ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
