now i know why i became what i already was.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
