I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
