Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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