I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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