My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
