Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
