Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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