i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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