Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
