i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I need moral support for this bender
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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