ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
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We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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