im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
