I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
