If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
