Duck Duck Cougar?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My ass is underappreciated
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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