There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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