He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
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