So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Terrible idea I love it
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
