Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
