The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
