Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
