Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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