I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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