why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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