I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
