What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
