i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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