I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
