And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
