I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
and you fell through a lawn chair
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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