yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
