Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
