Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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