Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
