Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
