We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
