i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
