He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
