tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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