Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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