Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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