Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
