He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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