Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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