So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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