Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
