yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
