dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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